MaryWho? Love Hina Edition
by Aire Tame Guh
Summary: After a blundered wish in the Dragonball Z Universe, Lisa finds herself in Love Hina. Is this the calm before the storm? Will she be labelled Mary Sue once again? And most importantly, will poor Lisa ever get home?


**Hinata House**

_(The main lobby is surprisingly quiet… Su's asleep for the time being, Shinobu's making breakfast, Motoko's outside training, Keitaro hasn't returned from orbit yet, and Naru's staring arrows at a new girl…)_

Naru: I can't believe you'd just throw yourself all over Keitaro like that? Surely every girl in the area knows what a pervert he is!

Lisa: My appearance was random… now I'll have to find a certain way in this series to get me back home!

Kitsune: Hey, you look pretty hot! Where'd you come from?

Lisa: Well, I'm supposed to be in the Rocket Air series, but I've recently been forced into Dragonball Z, and now I'm here!

Naru: You're after Keitaro too, aren't you?

Lisa: What? No! You can have him!

Naru: Umm… _(blush)_ why would I want a pervert like that? All he ever does is peep on me…

Lisa: OK, if anyone peeps on me, they get the crap kicked out of them…

Naru: Are you one of those Mary-Sue type girls?

Lisa: Oh, shut up! It's just what any of you would do!

Kitsune: Yeah, that's true, even if somebody pushed Keitaro into Naru, she'd still see the whole thing as his fault…

Naru: That's not true!

Keitaro: _(Walks in)_ Hi, girls!

_(Kitsune deliberately trips Keitaro over, and he lands face-first in Naru's cleavage. Naru instantly punches Keitaro through the door and sends him rolling down the Hinata House stairs.)_

Lisa: No, of **course** it isn't…

Naru: Let me guess, you're gonna be the inserted character who tries to hook me up with Keitaro?!

Lisa: What your libido desires is none of my business! I just wanna go home! There's a big, fat bowl of beef ramen on Darkstormia with my name on it!

Kitsune: Darkstormia? Ooh, are you European?

Lisa: I live in TokyoUltima, in the country of NewJapan, New Asia continent, on planet Darkstormia, but none of that's in this anime, it's in Rocket Air, which I'm trying desperately to get back to!

Su: Rocket Air? That's a skateboarding move!

_(Lisa jumps out of her seat!!)_

Lisa: Where did YOU come from?

Su: So, you're the Mary-Sue, huh? I'm warning you right now, if you try to steal away our Keitaro, the entire harem will kill you!

Lisa: I don't WANT him!

Su: Oh, so now Kei's not good enough for our little Mary-Sue, huh?

Lisa: I can't win…

**Mary-Who!?**

**Love Hina Edition**

Kitsune: Let's go drink til we can't feel feelings any more!

Naru: Kitsune, do you bring sake with you every night?

Lisa: Give me a hit of that, it's been a long fanfic…

Kitsune: Ah, since you're the Mary-Sue, you'll be able to drink five bottles straight and not get drunk, right?

Lisa: Eh? On Darkstormia, alcohol just gets you drunk, you don't get hangovers… well, 1 in 200 does… anyway, my body isn't used to this stuff!

Kitsune: Woo! Let's get Mary-Sue drunk!

Lisa: My name's LISA!!!!!

Kitsune: Woo! Let's get LISA!!!!! drunk!

Lisa: Ah, crap…

Su: Awwww… this means not even my biggest Mecha-Tamago robot will defeat her…

Lisa: Are you all suddenly assuming I'm all-powerful, beautiful, and 100 flawless just because I'm NEW!?

Su: Actually, it's because of your big boobie-woobies!

Lisa: My WHAT?!

Kitsune: Christ, I never noticed before!!!! Those are HUGE! Hey, are they F's?

Lisa: **NO!!!**

Naru: They sure look that big to me…

Lisa: They are not!!!

(Kitsune grabs Lisa from behind!!)

Kitsune: They sure do FEEL close enough!

Lisa: Leave me alone!!!!

_(Shinobu walks in.)_

Shinobu: Breakfast's almost ready, everyone…

_(Shinobu notices Naru staring intently at Lisa, and Kitsune practically fondling the poor girl's chest!)_

Shinobu: I… I'm sorry! _(Runs back into the kitchen.)_

Naru: Shinobu? Way to go, Boobs! You made Shinobu cry!

Lisa: You're yelling your head off, the other girl's grabbing my breasts, and somehow I'M to blame?!

Kitsune: You'll get used to that…

Naru: Kitsune! You're trying to make me sound like I'm a nasty cow who always blames other people because I can't face the blame myself!

Su: I hear about Mary Sues all the time… so, what's your tragic background?

Lisa: Tragic background?

Su: Yeah, you've been the victim of family abuse, and you're in some way related to Naru-yan, right? Or with the looks of that chest, I'd say you're related to Mutsumi!

Lisa: I don't have a tragic past! I was just thrown into Dragonball Z for no reason, and I got sent here because Shenron got my wish wrong! Actually, I think I should have been more specific in my wish, but I kind of panicked because of an old pervert…

Naru: Ah-ha! So you DO have a tragic past!

Lisa: Oh, please! I was out of there before he even had the chance to get a nosebleed! (I'm just glad he didn't get the chance to see me in my tiger-stripe bikini…)

Kitsune: Ah, a tiger-stripe bikini, huh? How very Urusei Yatsura of you…

Lisa: My cousin DJ designed it. I'm starting to wonder if he had an ulterior motive… but it allows me to fly indefinitely, so that's pretty cool!

Naru: And you say you're not a Mary Sue!!!

Kitsune: Yeah, none of US can fly! Except for Tama-chan…

Su: I wanna see how this works!

Lisa: Do you… **have** to?

Su: Yeah, let's see the bikini first! _(Starts tearing Lisa's clothes off!)_

Lisa: H-HEY!!!!

_(Soon Lisa is left in nothing but her tiger-stripe bikini, much to her embarrassment.)_

Su: OK, Mary Sue, start flying!

Lisa: I keep telling you, my name's Lisa!

Su: Fly!!

Lisa: OK, fine…

_(Lisa steps outside, with Naru, Kitsune and Su in pursuit. Lisa crouches, and then leaps high into the air, looking as though she is flying. After two seconds, though, she falls down to Earth, flat on her face!)_

Lisa: OWW!!!

Naru: I thought you said you could fly, dumbass!

Lisa: Now I get it… since I'm in a different anime, my powers don't work! I didn't realise this affected my bikini too… does this mean that if someone pulls my bikini top off, there won't instantly be another in its place?

Su: Ooh, let's try!

Lisa: _(Jumps up to her feet) _Get back, get fucking back!

Kitsune: Hey, it's been four whole pages and we haven't had a lengthy description of Lisa yet!

Lisa: … what? I'm just a regular girl, the same as any of you…

Naru: Apart from you're a lot taller than any of us… (she's even taller than Motoko…)

Lisa: That's just genetics! I am British, you know?

Kitsune: What about the glistening, ocean-blue eyes?

Lisa: They're just blue!!!

Naru: And the long, flowing, sunshine-blonde hair?

Lisa: Have you girls been talking to Trunks and Goten?!

Kitsune: Not to mention –

Lisa: OK, fanfic or not, first girl to mention my boobs **DIES.**

Su: Ah, so it's all right if it's Keitaro, then?

Lisa: It doesn't matter who I kill – not like you'll stay dead anyways. Also, isn't a Mary Sue supposed to be praised and admired by the other characters? Since all you've done is mock me, I **can't** be one of those!

Naru: Would you prefer it if we praised you?

Lisa: I'd prefer it if I were back home! Is there anything in this anime that can grant enormous, elaborate wishes?

Kitsune: Umm……

Su: If two people who love each other go to Tokyo University, they'll live happily ever after!

Lisa: … so?

Su: So, you're happy back at home, ain't ya? Just get into Tokyo U and you'll be home in no time!

Lisa: That's the highest ranking university in Japan! I can't write a thing in Japanese, how the Hell am I supposed to get in!?

Naru: Plus she'd have to take the mock exam tomorrow…

Lisa: I'm screwed, aren't I?

Su: You'd also need someone you love… let's get Keitaro!

Lisa: I have no idea who he is!!!

Kitsune: We'll plan all of this later. It's time to get some sake!

Naru: But Kitsune, it's only breakfast time! Don't you think you're drinking a little too early?

Kitsune: Hey, it's 11AM somewhere! (_winks_)

Lisa: I swear, all she's done is drink, stare at my chest, and quote Family Guy…

Naru: Will you just shut up and go apologise to Shinobu already?

Lisa: ... for WHAT!? You guys are the ones who should be apologising to her AND me!

Kitsune: Oh, boy. It's gonna be a long while before this is sorted out...

**A little while later...**

_It's lunchtime in the Hinata House. And, as expected, all eyes are on Lisa..._

Lisa: ... umm... why is everyone staring at me?

Keitaro: I don't believe we've met. Are you a new resident?

Su: Look how big her breasts are, Keitaro!!

Keitaro: What?!

Naru: PERVERT!!! (_punches Keitaro into orbit_)

Lisa: (Wow, what a bitch...)

Naru: What did you say?

Lisa: I said "(Wow, what a bitch...)"

Naru: Try a little louder, Mary Sue!

Lisa: Quit calling me that!

Motoko: You have to admit, you certainly are better off than we are physically... (except perhaps Mutsumi...)

Lisa: Look, I'm just your typical British woman who's homesick, OK? I don't wanna be here any more than you want me here!

Shinobu: Actually, I don't mind you being here at all, you seem like a very nice girl!

Lisa: Well, that's sweet of you, Shinobu, but I still want to go home... there's a lot of people who I miss.

Su: Ooh, tragic past story, coming up!

Lisa: ...

Su: ... what, no tragic past?

Lisa: Nope.

Shinobu: Hold on... you said that you're from Britain, right?

Lisa: Umm... yeah?

Shinobu: Why don't you just take a plane there?

Lisa: it's not that simple. The start of Love Hina is set in, umm... what year is it?

Kitsune: If you're referring to when we all first met Keitaro, then you mean 1998.

Lisa: Exactly! At the time this fanfic's being written, it's 2007 – plus, back in the anime series where I'm from, it's on a completely different planet, and it's 3665 already!

Naru: And yet you don't have the technology to get yourself back home. Gee, you can't really be all that advanced to say you're from the future. Some Mary Sue you turned out to be.

Shinobu: I don't believe that Lisa's a Mary Sue at all! She's just in the wrong place at the wrong time... please don't be mean, Narusegawa...

Su: Meanie! Old hag!

Naru: Geez, this is Volume 1 all over again...

Keitaro: I have returned!

Lisa: Wow, this guy's invincible!

Keitaro: yeah, it sure comes in handy... man. I'll bet most guys would kill to live with five cute girls...

Lisa: Well, actually, it's three cute girls, Motoko, and Naru.

Naru & Motoko: HEY!!!!

Lisa: Wait... actually, let's rewind. Is this version of Love Hina based on the anime or the manga?

Su: I believe it's the mango!

Shinobu: Su, you mean **manga!**

Lisa: OK, then, so it's four cute girls, and Naru.

Motoko: You rock!

Naru: You SUCK!!

**Later on, Lisa gets the obligatory time alone with Keitaro...**

Lisa: Let me get something straight: there will be no groping, no licking, no kissing, no contact of any kind...

Keitaro: Not even eye contact?

Lisa: I guess I can let that slide.

Keitaro: Phew! I'm glad you're not the kind of girl who will try to toy with my emotions only to force my hand onto her breast and blackmail me...

Lisa: ... that was Kitsune, wasn't it?

Keitaro: All the way back in the first volume. Geez, just imagine all the times I've been battered over the years... sometimes I think Naru could even punch me through different dimensions!

_Lisa's eyes light up._

Lisa: Keitaro, that's a GREAT idea! All we have to do is get Naru so pissed off that she'll try to punch you, and then you duck out of the way and I get sent flying back to my own series!

Keitaro: What are you, nuts?! She'd kill you!

Lisa: Hey, I'm pretty tough too, you know! You're looking at the only woman strong enough to kill a Manticore in one hit!

_Keitaro_ _stares blankly._

Lisa: ... it was the climax to one of my greatest battles ever!

_Keitaro_ _continues to stare._

Lisa: ... geez, you need to read some Rocket Air, buddy.

Me: It hasn't been published yet.

Lisa: Then nobody's seen my Kid Lisa transformation?

Me: Nope.

Lisa: Crap! Never mind... first things first, we lure Naru here... "Why yes, Keitaro, these enormous breasts of mine ARE 100 percent homegrown!"

Keitaro: WHAT?!

_Naru_ _bursts into Keitaro's room._

Naru: What's going on here?!

Lisa: Oh, Keitaro and I were just chatting...

Naru: Hmm...

Lisa: ... about my breasts!!!

Naru: Damn you!!!

Lisa: It's OK, Naru, I told him what he was doing was wrong...

Keitaro: Eh?!

Lisa: ... you're supposed to put whipped cream ON the nipples!

Naru: You pervert!!!

Keitaro: Don't hurt me!

Lisa: Naru, it's not your fault – Keitaro just prefers breasts that are huge and full-bodied – that's why he specifically asked me here tonight... (go along with it, Keitaro!)

Keitaro: ... they were delicious!

Naru: _**PREPARE TO DIE!!!!**_

_Naru_ _prepares to hit Keitaro with the biggest, hardest punch ever! But just as she takes her swing, Lisa pushes Keitaro out of the way and takes the full force of the blast!!!_

Lisa: EAT MY ASS, NARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Keitaro: I don't suppose now would be a good time to tell you that Lisa was just saying all of those things in the hope that you'd punch her into her own anime?

Naru: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! In fact, that's so stupid that it might actually work!

Keitaro: Even so... what if Lisa doesn't make it back?

**Lavaridge** **Town (uh-oh...)**

Ash: OK, in order to get my Heat Badge, I'm gonna need some awesome Water Pokémon!

May: I heard that Flannery's a formidable opponent, Ash. You may need more than type advantage to get you through this one!

Ash: Come on, May! Everyone knows I'm the greatest trainer in the world!

Brock: hey, check that out!

_Brock points toward a shooting star in the sky – it may seem rather odd to be able to see such a sight in broad daylight, but it is actually a young, blonde woman who has been on the receiving end of an Ice Queen Punch._

May: Wow! A shooting star! In broad daylight, no less! Ash, make a wish!

Ash: I wish Pikachu could talk to us!

Pikachu: (_staring at May's chest, then her hips, then her chest again_) No way are you 10!!

May: Way to go, Ash...

**Misaki** **Residence...**

_Tenchi_ _Masaki is out in the fields once again, harvesting countless carrot fields for a certain cabbit..._

Tenchi: Whew! It's getting harder and harder to harvest all of these carrots... of course, it would be a lot easier if Ryo-ohki would learn that they don't grow that fast!

_Tenchi_ _looks up and spots a bright, burning object in the sky._

Tenchi: Hmm? What on Earth could that be?

_It's Lisa, of course, and she crashes head-first into Tenchi, knocking the both of them senseless!_

Lisa: Owww! That's the last time I get in the way of one of THAT bitch's punches! But still, I suppose it was worth it... God, it feels so good to be home...

Tenchi: Owwwww... geez, what the heck was that?!

_Tenchi_ _and Lisa stare into each other's eyes for a moment. Lisa is still no closer to home, and Tenchi has yet another woman in his life..._

Lisa & Tenchi: Fuck.

**END**


End file.
